Those of you on my Facebook already know this, and are probably sick of the updates/pics/general gushing.  But if you're still interested in the back story, read on! 

So, let's backtrack to January.   I was knee-deep in the mopiness of doom that was the demise of my relationship with Eric.   The matter was not helped by the complete dating disaster that was Mike.  I started doing some serious thinking and I came to the realization that I was a magnet for guys who, quite frankly, really end up not giving a shit about me.   And I was no longer okay with this.  What was I to do if that's all I attracted?  I mean, what's the point if somewhere down the road a guy just up and decides I'm not worth it anymore. 

"Maybe I should just give up." I thought.  And I didn't mean it in a sad, woe-is-me kind of way.   I seriously felt like there was no point in trying anymore.  I started to shut down emotionally.   I no longer had any interest in attaching myself to anyone anymore.   I began taking the necessary steps to prepare myself for being alone the rest of my life. 

But, as is always the case with me, I had this nagging optimism that just would not go away.  "There is STILL someone out there!  Don't stop looking!".  Try as I might, I couldn't get rid of it.  So to appease it ... i joined match.com. 

At first I was pretty sure I was wasting my time (and money).  Then I got another of my usual e-mails suggesting certain users and I don't know why ... but I was drawn to one in particular.  I clicked on his profile and lo and behold he has this looooooong bio typed out.   I thought it (and he) was cute, so I "winked" at him.  A few days later he sends me a message. 

I find out that his name is Mark.  He loves to cook, he studied religion and philosophy at WVU, lives in Morgantown, likes dogs ... the usual stuff you find out about someone.  But then I let it slip that I'm a HUGE Harry Potter nerd.  "Me too!" He replies.  In another e-mail, he mentions being a big fan of MST3K.  "Oh my God, I used to watch that all the time in high school!  I've never met another person in my adult life that knows ANYTHING about it!".   And I haven't!  The more and more we talk in the e-mails, the more and more I find out that we're both essentially really big nerds!  So I ask him to talk on the phone, and things only progress.   By the time we get to our first official date, I'm already quite smitten with him.  

I notice that are "dates" are quite long.  I mean, like, several HOURS long!  Our second date lasted so long into the night, we ended up at a nearby McDonald's until almost 4 in the morning because it was the only thing open!  He's so funny, and sweet, and I started to get that feeling of "OMGIREALLYLIKETHISGUY!!!".   So in the middle of March, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. 

You guys ... this is seriously the best relationship I've ever been in.  

I have NEVER had someone (even in the beginning stages of the relationship), tell me every single day how much I mean to them.  Mark does.  He does things like pushing stray hairs away from my face before kissing me.   He does those cute little things to show me he cares.  He remembers my little inside jokes, and even references them at random times.  He makes me smile and laugh so much that my face will hurt and my ribs ache.  He's attentive, and caring.  I really, truly think this was the person I was meant to be with all along.   

-sigh-  I just can't believe that mere months ago I was so miserable and felt so alone.  I especially can't believe that I wanted to so desperately cling to something that was obviously bad for me, but it was familiar and comforting.   If I had known this was possible, I don't think I would have felt that way AT ALL.   I remember being soooooo upset when I found out Eric was getting married, now it's one week away and I could honestly care less.   And NOW I see just how toxic that relationship was for me.  Ugh,  if only I had known ...

But, the important thing is now I have this.  And even though I ALWAYS say this, I really do think this is going to last for a VERY long time. :)

Those of you who are on my Facebook already know this, so I apologize for repeating myself.

Last Saturday, my ten-year-old cat, Lancelot, passed away.  Needless to say ... I was pretty  devastated.  I got her when I was 17, and anyone who's read my journal since the beginning knows how much she meant to me. 

She was there for me when I was going through a tough time in high school and when I decided to drop out.  She's been through 5 moves with me, when I was a little displaced during my late teens/early 20's.   She was there during break-ups and during my Aunt Emma's passing.  That's a lot for one kitty to go through with a person, but she did and she was always there.  That's more than what I can say for a lot of the people in my life.

I'm starting to feel a lot better than I did a week ago.  I can talk about her without tearing up, and that's why I decided now would be a good time to post this.  I still miss her, and maybe someday way down the road I'll be able to adopt a new all-black kitty.  For now, though, I take a lot of comfort in my other kitties who are still here and still need me.

Rest in peace, Lancelot.  And thank you for all the good memories you left behind.